Season 1 Episode 7 Meg The Vampire
by Codyisland123
Summary: Meg joins a vampire pack, what will happen? Meanwhile Brian takes Stewie to a vampire museum.
1. Vampy

*Walks to the back of the school*  
Meg: Maybe I can get some time away from those losers here.  
Kid: Hello Megan. *Grabs her by her collar and throws her against the wall*  
Meg: What was that for asshole?  
Kid: Shut up.  
Meg: Why dont you shut your big mouth up!  
Kid: Because. Everybody hates you.  
Meg: I know! What are you going to do about it?  
Kid: *Gets ready for a punch but another kid steps in and stops him* Who are you?  
Kid 2: I am a vampire.  
Kid: Oh crap! *Runs away*  
Kid 2: Your welcome...  
Meg: Yeah. Who are you?  
Kid 2: I am Vampy.  
Meg: Hello Vampy.  
Vampy: I see you get picked on alot.  
Meg: Yeah.  
Vampy: Well I have a group.  
Meg: What kind of group?  
Vampy: In this group we are vampires. We all have been left to rot here. In this group we act as if we are vampires.  
Meg: Alright... I dont think I wanna join if you are vampires...  
Vampy: Dont worry. Whats your name?  
Meg: Megan Griffin.  
Vampy: You are one grade younger than me. Listen, if you join our group you wont be picked on anymore.  
Meg: Are you sure?  
Vampy: Positive.  
Meg: Do you suck real blood?  
Vampy: We will talk about that later.  
Meg: Alright, where do I sign up?  
Vampy: You will be taken on an adventure.  
Meg: What do you mean?  
Vampy: Im saying Meg, you will be taken to the vampire cave.  
Meg: Cave?  
Vampy: Follow me.  
*In a van Vampy sits in front of the wheel and Meg sits in the passengers seat*  
Meg: This is your van?  
Vampy: Yes. My crew is at the cave right now.  
Meg: Sweet. But how do I official become a vampire?  
Vampy: We will give you the stuff you need.  
Meg: Alright. You arent going to bite me now are you?  
Vampy: Not at all Meg.  
Meg: You better not me lying.  
Vampy: I am not. *Drives away*  
*At the Griffins couch Peter, Lois holding Stewie and Brian are sitting down*  
Lois: Meg has been gone for hours I am worried.  
Peter: Its fine Lois.  
Lois: Shes our daughter Peter.  
Peter: Chris is my favorite out of all of them.  
Lois: You shouldnt be ranking your kids Peter.  
Peter: And Meg is my least favorite of the whole family.  
Lois: Obviously.  
Stewie: How am I not your favorite! I am the baby!  
*Later at a museum*  
Brian: *Walking around with Stewie* Theres alot of evil stuff here.  
Stewie: What is this some kind of vampire museum? There is freaking fangs hanging all over the place with signs saying something about some vampire dude who left in the 1800s. No one cares!  
Brian: If this is vampiric museum, then the person who owns it must be studying it.  
Stewie: Oh dont be serious Brian, vampires are not real. Someone made it up and thats how dracula was made.  
Brian: You cant be too sure Stewie.  
Stewie: Stop trying to scare me. Its not working. When I told you to take me to this museum I thought it was going to be cool. Not a dump.  
Brian: Well we are going to continue because I drove you all the way over here.  
Stewie: Your right. Well anyways I dont think I want to see anymore this is just horrific.  
Brian: I thought you just said it doesnt scare you.  
Stewie: It does. Its like a bunch of vampires ready to jump out at you at anytime and you wont even know it. Like a vampire can walk right through that door and bite your neck.  
Brian: Good think you dont have one.  
Stewie: Why yes.  
Brian: Neither does Chris now to thinka bout it. To even see your neck you have to turn it to the side or something.  
Stewie: You know It would be cool to be a vampire if you didnt have to get bit to become one.  
Brian: I see. You are evil and thats why you would become a vampire.  
Stewie: I dont even care about Lois that much anymore. I failed many times.  
Brian: Well I am not bringing you home with fangs. Lois is going to wonder what is up. Even if you did get bit what would I tell Lois, she will never let me out of the house with you again.  
Stewie: Maybe you are right. I can hide the fangs and never open my mouth!  
Brian: They are going to show sometime.  
Stewie: Nobody can even bite me. Like I said there is no way vampires are real. But also that would be cool if they were.  
Brian: Stop dreaming Stewie. This place is giving a bad vibe, not much of a scary one.  
Stewie: How are you not scared of this stuff? I mean... sharp teeth going inside your neck.  
Brian: But while its happening you are already dead. I mean if vampires were real if they bit you, you wont become one, you will die right on the spot. 


	2. Camera Joe

*Where we left off*  
Stewie: I wonder if we can steal one of the things in here and use them as a souveneir.  
Brian: We shouldnt really be stealing Stewie. I know things look cool in here but they have cameras all over. I mean I dont even get it when people rob. They have cameras in these places.  
Stewie: And the camera just heard you say it.  
Brian: I know. *Looks up* And its moving. I think they are on to us Stewie! Crap I shouldnt say that. SORRY! Stewie: Why is the camera opening up. Why does the camera have a ray gun like mine in my bedroom!  
Brian: What the hell? It wants to terminate us!  
Stewie: What the hell! I thought this was a family friendly museum!  
Brian: Stewie this is a vampire museum. Did you forget already?  
Stewie: I dont know!  
Brian: Well we cant just stand here! *Runs away with Stewie and the camera follows them around* Look! We are sorry! Please just dont kill us!  
Camera: Ok.  
Stewie: Brian? Am I crazy or did that camera just speak to us?  
Brian: Hello?  
Camera: Hello Brian and Stewie how are you two doing today. I see you two have just gotten scared by my high powered laser gun.  
Stewie: I prefer to call it a ray gun. If you need ammo you can take it from mine. Mine is infiinite.  
Camera: Mine too. So I see you are a evil todler, how nice.  
Stewie: Yes. But isnt it weird that you people in this museum build a museum for a creature thats not even real?  
Camera: Its not a myth little one. Vampires are real.  
Stewie: Yeah right.  
Brian: First of all. How are you talking to us? You are a camera?  
Camera: I am the guy controlling the camera. I have a mic hooked up to it so whenever anyone can hear me from my room.  
Brian: Clever.  
Camera: Yeah, so if someone tries to take something I can be all like. PUT THAT BACK YOU SON OF A BITCH!  
Brian: Wow. That is acturally not a bad idea.  
Camera: I know, I get lots of compliments. And the good thing is the robbers put the thing back!  
Brian: Thats cool how they listen to a talking camera and then get scared.  
Camera: Most of them pee their pants.  
Brian: Alright, you dont need to tell us anymore, me and Stewie have to get out of here now.  
Camera: Alright bye Brian, bye Stewie.  
Stewie: Bye talking camera!  
Camera: No, no. My name is Joe.  
Brian: Alright see ya later Joe.  
Camera: Joe Swanson.  
Brian: Joe?  
Camera: Holy crap! Brian Stewie thats you?  
Stewie: Whats up crippled man!  
Camera: Alright see you guys later.  
Brian: Bye.  
*At the Griffins kitchen Lois is cooking while Brian and Stewie walk in the door*  
Brian: Guess who we saw at the museum today?  
Lois: Who?  
Stewie: Joe Swanson!  
Brian: She can thear you. Joe Swason! I mean, they now have microphones in the cameras at the stores!  
Stewie: Its really clever! Brian: Remember Stewie, the main cast cant hear you. Only me and the people outside the family.  
Stewie: Well that is sad. What age can they hear me?  
Brian: 4.  
Stewie: Damnet. I am only 1.  
Brian: And I am 8 how are ya.  
Stewie: Shut up Brian.  
Brian: Atleast I can talk. I mean you are a baby. I cant even hear what you are saying right now!  
Lois: Speaking of cant even hear what you are saying. Why are you talking to Stewie. Hes just a baby.  
Brian: Well he can hear me. Doesnt mean he cant hear either.  
Lois: He doesnt even know that many words.  
Brian: Damnet Stewie.  
Stewie: Haha! And she will never know I am talking to a dog untill I am 4 years old! Which again I cant say anything bad or she will foil my plans!  
Brian: You arent evil when you turn 30.  
Stewie: How do you know?  
Brian: Because. You will probably forget about Lois by that time. You will probably be on your own doing something else. Remember you are just a baby now, you have your whole life ahead of you!  
Stewie: Not if I turn into a vampire I wont!  
Brian: You cant be serious Stewie.  
Stewie: Oh yes I am! I am going to go out and get bit by a vampire! *Runs out the door*  
Brian: Stewie come back here! Bad boy!  
Stewie: Oh stop it Brian. You dont have to pretend anymore.  
Brian: What if I show Lois all the bad things you have been doing over the year. All the machines you created! Yeah, then you will be crying for real! Then you can never kill her if you do plan!  
Lois: Brian what are you talking about?  
Brian: Nothing Lois. 


	3. The Cave

*In the vampires van*  
Meg: This van seems very small to me for some reason.  
Vampy: Its not that small. And besides. What do expect its a van! Not a whole freaking RV! *Sighs* Sorry for snapping at you Megan.  
Meg: Its alright Vampy.  
Vampy: Anyways lets go into the cave.  
Meg: I cant wait to see what you do in here!  
Vampy: Want me to tell you myths that arent true. And things that are true from the vampire movies that you see on TV.  
Meg: Sure Vampy!  
Vampy: First of all, I do sleep in a coffin. I do drink blood, by cutting people or by biting someone. Cutting is more safe. Since we arent really vampires, we have alot of blood in us. So we just cut ourselves. Dont think we are emo because that is not it at all Meg. We cut the person then we drink it from the person arm. Or we put it in to a cup and drink it from there. Wihch is more sanitary than acturally licking it off the persons arm. As you see we do where capes like the one I have on right now. You will get one once you become a vampire. Another thing is that we have a cave like a bat cave. We all sleep in this same cave which this van is parked infront of right now. But we cant turn into bats obviously. We wish we could, dont you think that would be awesone if we really were vampires and could turn into bats?  
Meg: Yeah.  
Vampy: Well anyways lets go inside and meet the vampries shall we?  
Meg: Sounds great...  
*Inside the cave*  
Vampy: Here are some of my vampire friends.  
Meg: Hello everybody!  
Vampire: Vampy? Where did you get this girl from? She looks like a loner. She doesnt look like she is vampire material. I mean shes ugly too! I swear she is going to kill us with her ugliness.  
Vampy: Oh trust me. Once I am done with her she will look like a vampire. And she will become one. Meg: Great, so how are you going to make me a vampire when you cant bite me or anything?  
Vampy: We are going to give you a test if you can handle the pain of being a vampire. Oh and another myth is we cant go into the sunlight obviously. We were just in it. I mean really! Who thought of thsi stuff.  
Meg: The person who created vampires in movies...  
Vampy: I know, I was being sarcastic.  
Meg: Alright.  
Vampy: So the first part of the test is you seeing if you can handle drinking blood all the time, because we frequently do so.  
Meg: Alright, I will try.  
Vampy: Ok, so have you ever tasted blood before, or have a obsession with blood?  
Meg: No. I havent even tasted blood. I never even tried to drink my blood when I get a cut or something. In a matter of fact I just let it dry because none of my family acturally cares enough to fix it. But when Chris gets a cut thats a different story!  
Vampy: Who is Chris?  
Meg: My idiot brother.  
Vampy: He treats you like crap too?  
Meg: Yes! Most of my family does. Thats why I would trust anyone to take me somewhere different.  
Vampy: Well you came to the right place Megan.  
Meg: You called me Meg before, keep calling me Meg. My family cares enough to call me that.  
Vampy: Alright Meg, well here you will be drinking blood from this vile. We drink one vile a day. *Gives vile to Meg*  
Meg: Alright I will try this out I guess.  
Vampy: Alright drink down!  
Meg: Wait, first of all where did you get this blood?  
Vampy: Its from one of them over there, I forget. But we never drink any blood from a gay guy cause we can get AIDS, and we never drink any blood that looks dark. We think that is just disgusting.  
Meg: Alright, well here I go, first time drinking blood.  
Vampy: Just drink it already!  
Meg: *Drinks the blood down* Tastes like rust.  
Vampy: Thats what makes it so good Megan! And also we will be going against the vampires tommarow! They are arriving to attack us! And none of us are friends with the werewolves! Those assholes.  
Meg: Whats so bad about werewolves? Wait, do you mean real werewolves! Or just people?  
Vampy: Like we are vampires, they are werewolves. But as you see w are way different than werewolves. We are like a dog to black man! Do you have a dog Meg? I used too. He was a vampire dog like me!  
Meg: Yes, I have a dog?  
Vampy: Does he ever try to bite you Meg? Is he a vampire?  
Meg: No my dog is not a vampire! But he can talk and he drinks and gets high.  
Vampy: Sounds like a fun dog!  
Meg: He is fun when he is not insulting you with the rest of the family. I mean there was times when he was being insulted by me and the family, but like always I get turned down again.  
Vampy: I feel you Meg. But my pain wasnt as bad as yours.  
Meg: I know. I am like the only one in the world who gets picked on like this!  
Vampy: Well dont worry. Next test you will have to cut yourself!  
Meg: Sounds scary?  
Vampy: Oh dont worry, It wont hurt.  
Meg: Now you are kind of scaring me?  
Vampy: *Gives Meg the knife* Here. Do it. 


	4. Saving Meg

*Where we left off*  
Meg: *Takes knife* I dont know if I can do it. I mean I am kind of not good at cutting myself. I tried before and trust me I couldnt do it, I was too scared.  
Vampy: Well then I can cut you. If I do it will ease the pain a little bit more.  
Meg: How do I know I wont get hurt more if you do it? I mean you look like you would do it harder than I would. I am just afraid of cuts. If I come home with a cut my mom will kill me! I mean if she sees one mark on me she will go and hunt down the guy who did it. And I just want you protected Vampy.  
Vampy: Just say you fell or something like that. Make an excuse like everyone else does. And I thought you said she hates you? What happened to that? Yous aid your whole family rejects you?  
Meg: Well yeah, but if she finds out someone touched me she... Ugh. She wont even care. You are right! I am just trying to sound loved. I mean really. Everybody hates me who lives on this earth. I even killed people because they looked at me hard. And if I got a boyfriend he would probably die too.  
Vampy: Listen Meg, you will not be rejected here like I said a million times in the car and at school. We are understanding. We are not like all the other kids. This group is here because we were rejected too. You should know that Meg. Why else would we be in a vampire group. I mean we know they are myths but this is how we live our life as rejects. We live as one group. One group who wont leave eachothers side.  
Meg: You better not leave my side if I become one of you Vampy. I mean, no one has ever told me that before!  
Vampy: I know I am the first. I knew from the first time I saw you in the yearbook you were a reject. I knew you never looked that good, always wearing that hat. Maybe you should try taking it off once in a while. Try taking off those ugly clothes and just wearing something different. If you are that hated and ugly you should maybe change what you wear.  
Meg: You are right. But I wear this same thing everyday. If I change it is going to take some getting used too.  
Vampy: When you become one of us you are going to wear what we wear. Well not what we wear. Wear what the girl vampires wear. I am going to call them out now. *The 3 girl vampires come out with black boots, long hair covering one of their eyes. and Red Dresses.  
Meg: That doesnt look like my style Vampy. How do I know I wont look stupid wearing that?  
Vampy: Trust me Meg, you do need a make over and these girls are popular in your school. You will be a cool kid, dont you want that Meg? Dont you want to fit in. I know I did when I was ugly like you. I was a nerd. Mostly like that neil kid. But look at me now. I am a hardcore vampire. Dont you want to be cool?  
Meg: Alright I get it. Yes I do want to be cool. But I dont know if cutting myself can solve my problems. Neither can it solve your problems. All you are doing is drinking blood. Why cant you be like a normal person. Some people may think you are freaks for being a vampire and liking blood.  
Vampy: You are right. But the thing is we have to get back to normal and start organizing. You cant change how we live Meg. If we want to live as vampires, we want to live as vampires.  
Meg: Yeah... You are right. You guys can continue living like that. Its not my place to tell you how to dress.  
Vampy: Yes Meg. And thats why we want you hear. We think you are nice. You just cant show it because everybody rejects you just like us. So what do you say Meg?  
Meg: Ok. I can try cutting myself...  
Vampy: Alright Meg, take a deep breath now. And let the knife sink through your arm and let that blood flow out. Once it is out, start licking it off your arm. If it is the dark blood we will cover it up with a covering. And one of us will be testing your blood. If yours is good, you can be on of the main vampires. How does that sound Meg? Being one of the leaders?  
Meg: Sounds great.  
Vampy: Alright Meg, go on start cutting yourself.  
Meg: Alright Vampy, can I please do it without you talking, I mean you are preasuring me!  
Vampy: Alright, alright. I am sorry Meg. Just do your thing there.  
Meg: My thing? Your the one saying I have to cut myself to be a vampire!  
Vampy: Do my thing, whatever you want to hear. Now if you dont do it you wont know what being a real vampire is like!  
Meg: Ok, ok.  
*In Brians car*  
Stewie: Where are we going Brian?  
Brian: We are going to the famous vampire caves Stewie. If you want to be a vampire, I will show you they arent real and your dreams of being one are crushed alright?  
Stewie: Sounds good to me Brian.  
Brian: They are not to far from Meg and Chris's school James Wood High.  
Stewie: If I go to James Woods high when I am older I can be all like. Hey yo! I met the owner of this school! He was once my dad!  
Brian: And a really bad one too.  
Stewie: Shut up Brian. He got the fat man out of the house! He is a really good dad!  
Brian: Well I happen to like the person you call fatman. Stewie: Why Brian? He is so stupid he even forgets about you! He even forgot about you as a pet once! He went for that stupid little hamster that walked in.  
Brian: I told me he can adore him. He does care about his family even if he is retarded. I dont understand why you dont care about your family when they are the ones who are feeding you and even putting you in a house. You wouldnt even be alive if it wasnt for Lois, I hope you know that Stewie. Trying to kill her isnt going to solve anything. And everyone will feel about that you dont have a mother when you get older if you do sucseed, and when the police are iat the door, what are you going to say? I killed her? I know what your stupid little plan is Stewie, and it isnt going to work. You would probably want to be a vampire to kill her anyways. Stewie, you are a evil person. You even know if Peter dies I get Lois. But you dont care. You want to kill her anyways just not to make me hapy or anyone else who likes Lois.  
Stewie: Brian, you are making me tired *Yawns* Can you just shut up and drive?  
Brian: No. You are going to this cave, you wanted to be a vampire you are going to see how it is like. It sucked I tell you. I know I was never one but you know it sucks! You have to always be in cover with your teeth and everything or you will look retarded and probably no one will want to talk to you ever again like they dont want to talk to you now.  
Stewie: Not even the family wants to talk to me Brian, and you know it! As a matter of fact like you said inside the house they cant even hear me. Why is that? How come you can hear what I say? I mean this must be a joke! A big joke! Why am I even here if I cant talk? And how come they can hear you? You are a dog for god sakes! A dog! Nobody can hear seabreeze! But we can hear you! I mean life would be better if you couldnt talk. You know how many days my plans wouldnt have been ruined by you Brian. You probably even ruined Peters life one of these days. I bet if they had the chance they would put you up for adoption Brian. I mean you are the most unwanted person in the family next to Meg!  
Brian: Stewie you cant tell me you are tired of me when yuo are yelling in the backround too.  
Stewie: You cant tell me to shut up or not! I can tell you what to do because you are a dog! Sit doggy! Sit!  
Brian: Yeah, Stewie that isnt working, just thought I would point that out really fast.  
Stewie: Well when I am older I am in controll of you for the time you are alive! You will probably die when I am 7! Good thing I dont have to live with your douchebag voice you got there!  
Brian: Shut up, here we are at the vampire cave. Wel we are going to talk to the vampires. They are going to bite you!  
Stewie: Yeah right Brian they arent real.  
Brian: Thats what I was trying to tell you, you dumb baby.  
Stewie: At least I am not as dumb as Peter or you.  
Brian: Whatever Lets go in.  
*In the Vampire cave*  
Meg: *Is about to cut herself* Alright here I go!  
Brian: *Runs in with Stewie: Meg! What are you doing here!  
Meg: I am a vampire now Brian!  
Brian: Meg! Come back home with us!  
Meg: Nobody wants me there! I am wanted here!  
Vampy: You cant be one to come here and tell her what to do Brian.  
Brian: How do you know my name?  
Vampy: She told me she had a talking dog named Brian, I am not retarded.  
Stewie: Bite me! *Twists neck sideways*  
Vampy: I am not biting a baby. We dont even bite from the neck, now Meg cut yourself!  
Meg: You know what no! *Throws knife into Vampys neck*  
Vampire: Vampy!  
Meg: God! You keep preasuring me! And yes I just slayed a vampire! *Vampy dies* Come on Brian lets go!  
*In the Griffins car Brian is Driving with meg in the back and Stewie in the passengers seat*  
Brian: Crap they are catching up!  
Meg: Brian! We are almost home!  
Brian: Before we get home, I am going to do something that I will not regret to these stupid vampires. *Backs up the car and kills all of the vampires*  
Meg: Good job Brian!  
Brian: Yeah. They were annoying as hell running behind our car. Dont they know they were going to get hit somehow?  
Meg: Well they are dumb.  
Stewie: You forgot to say as you Brian! Hah!  
Brian: Forget it Stewie.  
Stewie: Why should I forget it? Its true!  
Meg: Here we are! Finally we are home. That place was giving me the creeps anyways. I dont even know if they clean it!  
Brian: Well its alright, we are home now.  
Meg: Thank god. Thanks for coming to save me Brian.  
Brian: Well it wasnt for you Meg, Stewie wanted to see what islike to be a vampire. And I did it just to show him cause we were at a museum and he was curious.  
Stewie: Yeah curious! What is it too you Meg?  
Brian: Anyways lets get in the house.  
*On the Griffins couch Lois holding Stewie, Chris and Peter are sitting down and Meg and Brian are on the floor*  
Lois: Where was Meg anyways?  
Brian: Oh she was hanging out with friends at school.  
Lois: But she doesnt have any friends.  
Brian: She does now.  
Lois: What are you talking about Brian?  
Brian: I am saying she was hanging with her friends. What about it?  
Lois: She has blood on her!  
Brian: She fell.  
Meg: Yeah I fell!  
Lois: Are you sure you fell because that looks like lots of blood.  
Meg: Trust me mom I am fine. Why do you even care you hate me anyways!  
Lois: I dont hate you now Sweetie. Peter is the one who doesnt like you. He said Chris was his best son.  
Chris: I am!  
Peter: Yes you are Chris go knock yourself out.  
Chris: You hear that Meg! I am dads favorite!  
Meg: Well I am moms favorite! Isnt that right Mom!  
Lois: Umm...  
Meg: I am not your favorite either...  
Lois: Well sorry honey Stewie is my favorite.  
Brian: Chris has to be my favorite too.  
Stewie: Meg is my favorite because she has been so mean the past week! Too bad she cant hear me.  
Chris: My favorite is Stewie!  
Stewie: 2 for me. 2 for Chris 1 for Meg!  
Meg: If I had a choice I would choose Stewie cause YOU ALL SUCK!  
Stewie: I win!  
Brian: Not so fast evil one!  
Stewie: Hahaha, very funny, doggy made a joke.  
Brian: It is so hillarious Stewie you dont even know humor.  
Stewie: Oh trust me I do and you will get payback.  
Brian: Yeah, yeah. 


End file.
